And this is especially true for a lot of gay and black Latino men. But sex can still lead to death if you're not very cautious. MARTIN: So think that you kind of all locked into this idea that being gay meant being sick? Is that what you think it meant?ĪRCENEAUX: Yeah, 'cause even without my uncle - I can remember Pedro on "The Real World." I would like to think I'm a bit more modern.
It's been hard not to - not think about it sometimes. So AIDS has always been, like, in the back of my mind. And as a gay man even now - I just entered 30. I remember crying and I just remember, like, a lot of anger and shame around it.
And, you know, when you're six - and I don't really remember much about the funeral, but I remember seeing him in a casket. But, I mean, with the use of that word - that's how I learned what it meant to be gay. My mom did not - it was many years later that she had acknowledged that he was actually gay. And for me, my father - his reaction was very much, like, you know - his brother was a faggot. And while he was a drug addict, he was also a gay man, which is the more likely culprit behind his death. At the age of six - the very first funeral I ever went to - my uncle died of AIDS. Why don't you pick it up from there.ĪRCENEAUX: Yes. You write that this started - your fear started well before you came out - and it was connected to the way your parents responded to gay people in your family. MARTIN: So let's talk about the piece, for people who have not had a chance to read it yet. And as a gay black writer, I need to lend my voice to something. But even now, I just think, for me, I don't necessarily see myself. And then I told my mom finally, after the piece got a lot of attraction, at 25.
And I had already come out to myself and my friends, which, honestly, was more important to me at 21. So that was kind of like the start of it. And I know what it's like to be taunted when people have suspicions about you not being hard enough or they're assuming that you are gay. MARTIN: What made you want to write this piece and why now?ĪRCENEAUX: You know what? Years ago, there was a story about two young black boys who committed suicide within the same month. But I'm really happy that I wrote the piece and I hope to write more. And especially sex, because for me there's still kind of some complications with family and their reaction and kind of like a pushback. Or they just are really proud of me, because I'm a pretty open person, but I'm very cautious about writing about certain things. But a lot of people - either they say that they've been there - gay or straight. Normally, when I write anything gay-related, I get a lot of straight reaction, more so than I do gay reaction sometimes. MARTIN: How have people reached out to you about the piece? Saying it really resonates, that they're seeing themselves in it?ĪRCENEAUX: I've had a lot of straight people, actually, which is funny. It's really humbling and I really have appreciated it.
I really didn't have any expectations, but - I'm not very sentimental - but a warm feeling about, like, the way people have reached out to be about it. MARTIN: How does it feel hearing me talk about the piece?ĪRCENEAUX: I'm really surprised by the reaction I've gotten from it. MICHAEL ARCENEAUX: Thank you so much for having me. So with that being said, Michael Arceneaux is with us now. His essay is titled "At 30, I'm Finally Tackling My Intense Fear Of Sex." As you might imagine, this conversation may not be appropriate for all listeners. This very personal essay was written for the site xoJane. And now writer Michael Arceneaux is adding even more complication to the story by writing about his own fear of expressing his sexuality as a gay man. What's that all about? We were thinking about how, at a time when America's laws and much of it society is ever more welcoming to LGBT people expressing sexuality, especially for gay men, is still so controversial and sometimes even dangerous. The response is still raging across social media with some saying it's about time, others expressing annoyance and anger and still others expressing anger at that anger. ESPN was there to document the moment, which included a kiss he shared with his boyfriend upon learning the happy news. Add same-sex attraction and it gets even more difficult for many people, something we were reminded of recently when Michael Sam, an openly gay college player was selected in the NFL draft by the St. Let's turn now to something many people still find hard to talk about, which is sexuality.